Depression: Stuck in the Pit

OK, a bit about me and my background:

I'm a male and live in the UK.

I've had depression for over 25yrs. 

When I was 28 I tried to overdose on paracetamol, ended up in a mental health hospital for a month or two.

When I was 32 I got a girlfriend, she had her own mental health issues, and unfortunately after 10yrs or so the relationship ended. It was a pretty muddled one and we had broke up and got back together several times. I look back and hate how it became, I just think it was impossible to work. I blame myself a lot, but it was a toxic relationship. It was great at times, and bad at times. 

Anyway when that ended I wanted to commit suicide again, and I figured that jumping from a bridge would be the way this time. I got close to doing it several times, but worried if it went wrong. I considered crashing my car at high speed, but the same worries put me off.

Since the breakup I fell out with my parents, they let me down when I was at my worst, specifically my mum. I was in a real bad way, and she refused to let me stay over at theirs (until I felt well enough to be on my own again). My sister was just as bad.

I've lived on my own for 11yrs or so, which is bad enough, let alone the depression.

Currently:

So today has been like most others. On my days off I don't leave the house, I don't want to get up. I hate the loneliness. I'd rather be dead.

On workdays, I have to get up and leave the house, I'd still rather be dead.

I find medication doesn't help me, I've had help from therapists, but I think it's the loneliness that is most debilitating.

I'll write more another day.